Hi there, Taylor (The Void) here. I opened up the floor to some friends of mine to write a blog post for TVOC this summer, and surprisingly, they jumped on board immediately. This is one of those posts written by my one of my dear friends Justine. I’ll let her take it away.
I must admit my knowledge of horror films is severely lacking. I have never bothered to delve into the genre and all it has to offer. The closest thing to horror I’ve watched is Troll 2 (Please dear god watch it if you haven’t yet, deserves all the praise in the world). So, when my dear friend Taylor asked if I wanted to write a post for TVOC I thought it would be entertaining to guess the plots of popular horror movies. Taylor gave me six movie posters, and in this post, I will guess the plot of the movie using said posters. I’m going in blind, expecting to completely butcher these plot points. Come along for the ride.
Cat People (1942)
The poster for Cat People gives me a lot to work with. Um hi…a gorgeous woman, a blood dripping cat and a curse? Sounds like a good time.
The Plot: A woman in her early 20’s lives alone with her multitude of cats. At this point she’s lost track because she has taken in stray after stray, and they come and go as they please. Little does she know, one cat that has snuck in amongst the ranks is not like the other cats. For this cat carries a CURSE (oOooHhh). This black cat (the one in the poster) acts sweet and innocent in the first few days at the house. However, one night as the woman is feeding all the cats, the cursed cat strikes.
It bites her, right on the wrist. She thinks nothing of it at first. However, the next morning when she wakes up, she herself is a black cat. The stray cat she took in, as it turns out, used to be a human woman. The woman has been trapped in a cat’s body for the past decade and can only turn back into a human on nights with a full moon. The cat has decided to give other unsuspecting women the same curse by biting them. Our main character is just one of many victims. She is desperate to remove the curse, but the black cat disappears before she can get any answers.
The main character is finally able to transform back into a woman on the next night of a full moon. When she looks in the mirror, she notices she does not look the same. She is wearing a deep red dress that she does not own. Her lipstick and nail polish a bright red. Her fingernails are pointy and sharp to the touch. She has a desire for blood to match. Our character spends the night out on the town trying to seduce the men she meets. It does not take long for one man to take the bait.
As soon as they are alone, she quickly kills him with her talon-like nails. After a few months of killing men during full moon nights, our main character realizes she no longer desires to get rid of the curse. She meets other black cats, who are really women afflicted by the same curse. They form a group. Preying, and hunting together.
Each full moon they go out on the town as a group, kill as a group, and disappear before anyone can figure out what has happened. The police never find out who is responsible for all these mysterious deaths, just that an influx of black cats seem to appear in town before the full moon every month.
THe Hills Have Eyes (1977)
The Hills Have Eyes poster has a lot of good information that can be used to determine a plot. Right away, I noticed “A nice American family. They didn’t want to kill. But they didn’t want to die.” That along with the broken-down car in the bottom left of the poster, gave me all I needed to know.
The Plot: Picture this, a cute family of five plus their adorable dog are headed out for a camping adventure at Arches national park. BUT…. their van gets a flat tire and they’re left stranded in the middle of nowhere. The family is calm at first waiting for someone to pass by to help out (like AAA or something idk).
As the days go by, they realize no one is passing by. The road is empty. All is quiet, except for weird noises they keep hearing at night. Enter the creepy man that’s front and center on the movie poster. He leads a group of cannibalistic egg-headed aliens. They live within the hills that the all-American family is surrounded by. In order to survive, the family has to fight off the cannibals that are trying to eat them. I imagine the movie involves a lot of fighting and near-death experiences.
The dog is probably killed and eaten first, followed by one or two of the kids. However, I think at least half of the family survives the cannibals when a school bus full of free-spirited hippies drives by and saves them. But PLOT TWIST: the movie ends with the surviving family members finding out those that saved them are actually part of a cult.
The biggest thing I got from the Suspiria movie poster is that it is in another language (french? italian?). Also it looks like the woman in the poster has had her throat slit? Lots of blood. Besides that, I got nothing, so this plot is going to be completely pulled out of my ass.
The Plot: A European woman (Suspiria) desires to be the best ballet dancer of her generation. Suspiria works nonstop and is willing to do anything and risk everything to be on top. However, she is not the only dancer that wants to be the best. Suspiria’s childhood friend also has the same aspirations. The friend knows that Suspiria is a naturally talented dancer. When they both decide to try-out for a world-renowned ballet program in Vienna, Suspiria’s friend realizes she has no chance of getting in with Suspiria as competition. The night before try-outs, Suspiria’s friend convinces her to have a couple drinks, to help relax. What our main character does not know is that her friend has drugged her drink. Once Suspiria slips out of consciousness, her friend drags her to the alley behind their hotel, slits her throat and slips away, unnoticed.
The morning of the try-outs the friend believes she has gotten away with it, tries-out and gets accepted into the ballet program. All is well, UNTIL two months later. The friend begins touring with the program across Europe. One night, she wakes up in a sweat in her hotel bed and sees a flash of something in the corner. When she looks over, nothing is there. She is awoken again to something touching her, when she opens her eyes, again, nothing is there. The friend begins to see and hear things night after night. After a while, she sees and hears things even during the day. Finally, at the ballet’s last show of the tour, she sees her, Suspiria.
Suspiria is dancing amongst everyone in the performance, as if she is part of the group herself. When the friend gets a full glimpse of her, she sees Suspiria’s throat is still slit, blood gushing out of it all over the stage. The friend is horrified, but no one else seems to notice. The movie ends with Suspiria dancing up to her friend, making direct eye contact, acknowledging her for the first time on stage. The friend, frightened, takes a tumble mid-spin, landing wrong and breaking her neck. The end.
The movie poster for Christine really does not give me a lot to work with (love the car though). I am sorry in advance if my plot is so inaccurate you feel like gouging your eyes out after reading.
The Plot: Christine is this absolute dream of a woman. Drop-dead bombshell that everyone wants. On top of that, she has an impeccable sense of fashion and a hot-ass red car to match. Little is known about her, she has no friends, no family (that anyone knows of), and she doesn’t bother making small talk with the peasants. No one knows her age, where she lives or works. They just know she’s around when they hear the rev of her car’s engine.
The plot begins in a small town where men start disappearing. One every few months at first, then one every month, then one every two weeks and so on. Detectives are stumped, so are the citizens. Christine has been in town for a while and seems unbothered by the disappearances. No one suspects her to be the cause of the disappearances, but some have noticed her red car lingering around known disappearance sights of the men. This is because…pause for dramatic effect…. she is in fact a femme fatale killer.
Unbeknownst to the town, Christine goes from small town to small town every one or two years, kidnapping and killing some of its male citizens, before driving off to terrorize a new town. To her, men are playthings. She has fun with them (and they have some fun too), until they realize being with Christine ends in their death. This little town in the center of the plot does figure out Christine is responsible. They connect her to too many of the disappearances. However, by the time they can make an arrest, she is gone. Along with her gorgeous red car that you can hear speed off into the distance.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Taylor did warn me that Halloween III has nothing to do with the Michael Myers. To be fair, I haven’t seen Halloween so it doesn’t make much of a difference. Based on the poster alone, it’s obvious this movie is about witches who are up to no good. The line ‘The night no one comes home.’ makes me think this movie has one fateful night, where all hell breaks loose.
The Plot: The witches of Witchy Town (I don’t know you come up with a name), are a particular sort of twisted fun. They live under the radar in their all witch town. No men or non-witches in sight. They do what normal people do. Host holiday parties, go to cafes and parks, spend way too much money online shopping, etc. While Witchy Town has thankfully only seen a handful of men pass through its borders throughout its history, that all quickly changes.
One day, four different bus loads full of men pass through the town. All four buses stop in the middle of town to refuel and let the men stretch their legs and explore. This annoys and horrifies the witches. But it happens again the next day, and the day after that. Busloads of men, all stopping in Witchy Town before heading off to their destination.
Soon the witches realize that a new golf resort (or whatever gets the men’s blood pumping i don’t know), has opened in a town about an hour away. The only driving route to the resort is right through Witchy Town. The witches decide that they have to stop even more men from coming to their town and disturbing their peace. So they hatch a plan. They have to scare away the men, to ensure they never pass by Witchy Town again. The witches hold a big town hall and determine the best course of action. The night following the town hall, they enact their plan.
A bus full of rowdy men pulls into the town’s gas station. The men all unload heading to the bathroom, store, or to explore the nearby shops. When all the men get back to the bus, the hottest witches of Witchy Town greet them. The witches act overly kind to the men, offering them refreshments before departing. The men gladly accept and are happy to converse with the ‘sweet women’ of the town. After they’ve had their refreshments, the men safely return to the bus as the witches blow them a kiss goodbye.
Once the bus gets to the resort, a resort staff member notices that the bus doors open. However, after ten minutes, no one has come into the resort. Concerned, the staff member goes outside and checks on the bus. No one is in the driver seat and the bus is dead silent. As the staff member walks onto the bus, they see every man on the bus is dead. The employee alerts others in the hotel and they all look on in horror. Walking behind the bus, all the resort employees see that the words ‘death to all men’ are written in blood on the back of the bus.
Turns out that the witches had poisoned all the men. They also killed the bus driver so that a witch could drive the group to their destination before flying off into the night. The witches’ plans work, and men are too scared to go to the resort, and it is shut down. The witches of Witchy Town get to live happily ever after.
Thir13en ghosts (2001)
Thanks to my broken brain, the title Thir13een Ghosts makes me think of 13 Reasons Why. Nonetheless this movie poster is creepy but doesn’t help me ascertain any sort of plot. I just see a terrified looking face, overlaid with a bunch of creepy ghost pictures.
The Plot: Thir13een Ghosts follows your average woman. She is single, in her mid-30s, has a normal number of friends, and supportive parents. Life is normal up until she decides to make a career change. To get more excitement in her life she decides to move across the country and start new. She buys an old, beat-up house, that she plans to slowly renovate and make her own (you see where this is going?).
Once she moves into her house, she realizes that the house is older, and creepier than anticipated. That’s when the 13 ghosts come in. They all haunt the old house our main character has moved into. They’ve all decided to haunt her in their own unique ways. The only way to get rid of them? Defeat them. I’d like to think of it as a horror version of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Instead of evil exes to defeat, this character has to defeat the 13 ghosts to get her life back.
Throughout the movie she slowly finds all their weaknesses, killing them one at a time. She has a few near-death experiences herself but is finally able to defeat them all by the end. The character gets to live happily ever after in a new town, and in a newly constructed house (not taking chances again).
Wow, that was a rollercoaster. A big thanks to Justine for using her imagination and crafting plots that actually make way more sense than the actual plots. I was quite a fan of the made up Suspira‘s plot–gave me kind of Black Swan vibes. We’ve talked about a few of these movies on TVOC before, such as Cat People and Halloween III (in passing).
Anyways, thanks for spelunking this void with me. If you’re new to the Void of Celluloid, welcome. Feel free to spelunk some other voids while you’re here and follow me on other platforms by clicking the buttons below. We post regularly and stay up to date about what’s going on in horror today, reflect on what went on yesterday, and plan for a better, horrific tomorrow. See ya next time.